It's a big world after all.

So lately i've been really outdoorsy, i have spent the last few days running, practicing lacrosse, and biking. It feels good to be out there, and not constrained indoors. I think that was what humans were meant to do, but somewhere along the history of people the computer was made, now it's an ongoing battle between computer vs nature. I find myself fighting that same battle, somedays i want to go outside but as i'm about to go something interesting pops up on my computer, like a new song or funny videos, and yet again i find myself sitting in front of a computer screen. I went to my brothers scrimmage this saturday, and ever since then i just want to make sure he isnt a sub anymore, not that there is anything wrong with that, i just want him to start and be good at lacrosse.

What's been on my mind lately, well even though school is almost over, and that im about to graduate i still find myself thinking that im off to a really slow start. I think about my past experiences, like having no job, or not have a car, or not join any organizations. I look at some of my friends and i see that they are already accepted to college, study abroad, and are leaders of prestigious groups, and then i look in the mirror and all i see is a boy who screwed up. I really wish i could have been more of an achiever when i was younger, but time spent wishing is time wasted. So i can't wish for that, i just have to make up for it now, no matter how hard the struggle.

I honestly don't know who my friends are. Like i thought i did, but i was way off. Lately i've been seeing them as growing up and such, but lately after reading a blog, they are still hormone driven teenagers. Scoping out any chance to have instant gratification. I know it's judgemental of me, but i can't help feel out of place, knowing that the friends i knew from freshman year change so much. And sometimes it's not even good change. Guess you really never know somebody huh? I think that's something that teenagers lack, the action of thinking about what they are doing before actually doing it. Missing the point of, what will happen if i do this, what are the consequences?, but no, skip the worry just have fun, is the policy to teenagerdom.

I guess my honest feelings right now, is that this world is very dirty. Government dirty, people dirty, speech dirty. There is a lot of dirt in this world. And it's pretty hard to stay clean but i congratulate those have have stayed clean from the dirt, i bet it's a really hard struggle.

Wells, uhh some last year someone got forced to kiss someone, and i just remembered that. idk, i guess it's just one of those things you look back at and ponder what were the consequences of that action.

I took today to try cooking some stuff. I made salsa, which i haven't sampled yet but hope to tommorow. I want to see what my first batch results' will bring.

It's been ages, since i have had the chance to hang out with my girlfriend. And frankly i'm sick of it. Sorry, but that's the truth. I hate not being able to see her, or not being able to spend as much time as we did in summer. I'm relieved that we have that time between your softball practices though.

I need new songs on this blog. I want to learn more about computers. Actually i want to learn more about life. I want to learn about this world, and the things on it.

I dont usually count down to my birthday, because for the past 17 years in my life it was just another day that made me older, but i feel like this year something life changing will happen. So 9 more days till that day.

Random Thought: I guess for a majority of guys, seeing 2 girls kiss is a turn on, but not so much for me.


It's been days, and i miss chau like insanely much.