so far

okay so it's a day after my one year one and month, i waited till now to post this because anniversaries are not a time to post sad thoughts. But that's what i've been feeling lately. I dont know why, maybe it's the atmosphere that im in, or that im missing some one dear to me to a really huge extent. It seems that the world just doesnt want to save itself anymore, too much violence these days. I try my hardest to stay optimistic, i really do, but after experiencing one after another bad event and then turning on the tv to hear about kids murdering each other. It just punches me in the heart.

I know i shouldn't be a priss about it, but i haven't talked to my gf in what seems to be almost a week. That just seems rather odd to me, but i understand since she is busy afterall. I just wish i could somedays, the stress of work is actually depressing me too. It's so solitary, and i have a problem with that. I get scared of being alone. I think i have anxiety, i cant stand complete silence it scares me. I have to have something turned on a bit before i sleep. I'm trying hard to make it past this month with you being half the world away, i know this is corny, but i look outside sometimes wondering if you look outside and think of me as well, i hope you are, maybe it would make us feel a little closer.

I guess what my real problem right now, is that for the past 2 and half weeks it's been pretty lonely, and i guess it's starting to takes it's toll on me. I always have this cold chill running down my back when ithink of the future. My stomach receeds and feels like im gonna puke, i think it's a feeling of fear, but i dont get why im scared. I'm looking forward to the future, when chau comes back.

I know things will be better when she's back, i just know it.

I'm heading to sleep now, i have work later.

Hopefully you read this chau. You have no idea how much i miss you. Stay safe and have fun nubby :]