It ends here?

I don't know what this feeling is. It's unique. I've never had this feeling before. It's like a mix of sadness, pain, fear, nausea, anger, disappointment, rage, sorrow. It shot me like a bullet. I can honestly say that this forever will leave one scar in my life. I honestly thought we could make it. I believed it with all my heart, and it just hurts you know? Even after an entire year, we've had bouts but we've managed and told each other we've been becoming stronger. And this kind of thing just leaves me with no hope in life. I dont know why out of all days it had to be this one, what sucks is that i've been crunching up so much lately. I've been plaaning out trips, planning out dates, so much for when she returned, now it just seems pointless, and so does life.

I want to at least give her the present i bought her, but i just hope she can see me, i hope.

She was my strength, and right now, i'm weakining. I feel like i cant even walk. I honestly don't know if i can make it this time.

I'll try and try to survive, but honestly i doubt i can.

Maybe times is all that needs to be there? I thought that before, but now i dont even think time is a bandage for this. I can't last. I cant.

I'll miss you chau, i really will, like you said we can still be best friends, but i want to talk to you in person when you come back. And if you can please have the strength to talk to me. I'll muster up strength as well.