cross my heart

I am truly in love. My heart feels it, and knows it. I am crazy for her, all the moments we have together everyday, i honestly feel like i could live my life with her. She is that amazing.

I must admit though i was arrogant, why i was put into this chair, and in my eyes i needed to remind myself who i truly am.

I'm the optimistic kid that i want to be, the person who would give his life to save my love. As we grow older, we are faced with more stuff getting thrown into our lives, more responsibility, more adventure, more stuff :p, but baby, i want to grow old with you.

Not even an hour passes by before i start missing her. Ha, i bet you enjoyed hearing those "obsession" stories, im pretty sure there were more things, they'll pop into my head though.

I want to tell you, not to ever, ever, ever, feel like someone doesn't acknowledge you baby, no matter the distance, and i mean this, cross my heart, i'll always have you here inside my heart. Even if we are a thousand miles apart, or just lying next to each other, you're inside my heart, as bright as ever.

We should do more outdoorsy things, like hiking, bicycles, fishing, etc. :P it'll give us some exercise and ill make it fun ;D

OH BTW, i want more cheesecake, I've been craving some. Chau's way, is the only way to eat cheesecake :D

:]

meet the parents

Heh, well today was quite a day i would say, if i may just say a little rhyme in a way.



Anyhoo, i got to chaus to help with some moving furniture, but her mother was home D: soo i had to meet her, eventually i woulds anyway, so i did and at first i felt like i gaves an awkward vibe, but yeah, went to go packing after that, or "boxing" some things away. It brings back memories being in the old room, it was nostalgic being around the neighborhood too. So after hours of packing and getting somewhat organized we took off the road once more. By this point i think i was more liked by the parents, and so once again to the streets in a car that looks like a lot of stuff has been stolen.



It's a good feeling knowing that the family of chauzy likes me :D



So i had a talk about military stuff today, and it really intrigues me, like i want to know more about it, where to start and such, and how it goes, and where it will take me, i guess i want to go more in depth about the subject, so ill start doing some research. I think that getting through with my parents will be the challenging part, so yeah.

I enjoyed moving stuff today, har har i felt so adult-ish. And i want to thank chauzy for the gas moeny for which if we didnt have we'd be sitting ducks in the road :P But i gotta admit that was A lot of stuff to move :P



Anyhoo, i gotta say today was quite the enjoyable day :] but i tired. and mi muscles are kinda sore, i dont know whys. I wish i could get a massage D:


i miss chau a lot. a lot a lot. a lot.


P.s. i gots me a goodie bag today :D

it's fryday

I woke up today and got to the car and all the wax was gone D: I guess the rain washed it aways

I want to re-wax, but i lazy, i'll probably get to it tommorow :P

Let's see, today i visited chauzy, and went to some stores to check out some more furnishing for her awesome room. And then got back home to eat some soup, and surprisingly i ate a lot of it. I don't usually eats soup but today it was quite goood.

Later on the days i met with chau's family, i must say i was nervous at first, but i got it together and just relaxed. I hope i made a good impression heh

I enjoyed todays, quite a fun time.

I have potential i have to use, i'll use that potential.

I think string theory is cool, and can you blame me? If you knew about it, it would also be cool to you :D

Ooh i played sims 3 today, and man, i didnt think it would be that addiciting. i figured maybe a little to get me hooked for like 30 minutes or so, but i ended watching and playing for hourss.

I can see what nub liiiikes it, i wants sims now D:


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I really miss chau a whole lot

P.s. watch the dvd's in my bookbag if you wants :D except the scary ones.

just one of those days

It's just one of those days, where things seem to unravel themselves. I took that opportunity not to let something so special and dear to me fade away.

It was a fun day today at ikea, furniture shopping may actually become one of my tops on favorite things to do, now only if i had sufficient cheddar to supply my dream room needs. Perhaps someday =]

Lunch was tasty, oh so tasty, i didnt know such meals could be served in a store full of furniture, but i still want a fish fillet D:

Today was quite a day i would say, you know that butterfly feeling you get? I had humongous butterflies in my belly, and salmon, but i really am glad that things worked out the way they did today. I love seeing you smile chauzy, it makes my insides all gitty :P

Heh, this feeling is inexplicable, but if i could choose some words, it'd be happy x 1000 x a whole lot. Oh and i still wonder how she looks dancing some zumba, haha i can kind of just imagine it now. so b.a.

Oh, baby, how i miss you.

I want to have a movie day marathon mang. That would be off the hook.

p.s. i can't act gangster to save my beans.

missing yous a lot chau

strumming

I enjoy playing my guitar, it fits every mood. It's quite a fascinating instrument, it's able to produce sounds of any tone. I guess it keeps me busy, im trying to learn new songs, practice on my singing, because i think monotone is not a good singing voice :P

I wonder how long it takes the pros to learn how to play the way they do, probably a while, but then again, i think i'm going to stick to guitar for life.

I feel like today went by pretty fast, in a sense it feels like all i did was practice in the new car, and get home and fix my little brothers computer. I guess i could say the day went by pretty fast, but that's alright, i kinda wanted it to.

Tommorow is salmon day at Ikears :D I've been craving some, and now i want some fish fillet, another time perhaps. I bet im gonna want to redesign my room some more once i step into those doors. I should bring a notepad to scratch down notes and such.

I don't have much more to say, tommorow brings another day. I have to grasp the opportunities.

I need to work my singing haha, like a lot of singing along with the radio will be required.

Can't let it go by

Is it really that simple? I think i have been making it more complicated than it needs to be. I don't know why, but it came as a shock to me, realizing i do have that control in my life. I can choose not to let opportunities go by, i can make the decisions so i won't have to regret in the future. I know it may or may not be a girly song, but i con't stop listening to [put you records on]. I have to live a life where i don't let the best things in life just slip away. Im done being such a pushover. Im not gonna let the opportunities in life go by just like that. I have to grab the opportunity.

I feel renewed in a sense, i dont know why it took me so long to realize this.



On another note, my mother finally. got her car. finally. haha this is good because now i dont have to end the trips at 3. It such a nice vehicle, im especially liking the seats, and the music, AND *cough* the up to date navigator, that shows certain house as actually existing :P

there are some things that i just can't seem to put in words, if i could i would write them on here, but i just can't find the right words. Anyways, it's rather late and trust me, waiting at a dealership for 3 hours, is not exactly something that keeps a person awake :P

happy 40th anniversary to walking on the moon

I've always wondered how it would be to walk in the moon, maybe one day, maybe in one of my dreams =D

P.S. What a sour fruit tart, i liked it though D: hah

Untitled

I already regret the things i've done today. It feels so surreal. It happened so fast like a dream, and unfortunately i couldn't wake up till the bad parts came in.

I want to tell myself that it'll make life for both of us easier, i want to believe that the choice we made today is the right one. I don't know, i miss her already. It's kinda hard to handle right now. I want to be strong about this. But everywhere i look there are things that remind me of her, and it sends a weight to my chest. Hopefully things will be better

Hopefully some stress comes off her life, i wish her the best of luck in her life, and i know she'll work hard for her future. I really am proud of chau.

I don't have much else to say, just some bits floating around my head. Hopefully i can sleep tonight.

Goodnight.

7?

So today i wake up because i hear banging on my door and i figure my mom's angry or something. So when i open it she talks to me and says that 7 is my lucky number, and for 5 minutes she's explains all about numbers and what it means, half asleep i nod every now and then, then i waddle back to bed and sleep a bit more, quite random, but interesting. Happy Birthdays Mom, thanks for being an awesome mom.

Its been quite a busy week i must say. Up's and Down's, but it's in the past, cant live a better tommorow without putting behind the past. And i believe tommorow will be quite a day :]

I feel really, really, really lucky to be able to have her back in my life. She'll probably read this, so i just want to state, that you are simply amazing. I know we've made mistakes, but i love you no matter what. All the things we have gone through together, and many many more experiences to share together.

Oh yeahs, sorry you had to wait so long to pees. Since only you know about this blog, at least you didnt pee your pants this time >:D

I think driving is one of the best things that a person can do, but walks can be just as valuable, afterall what do we have feet for? OH and that reminds me, has a certain nub been keeping up on her training?

I miss her baking, like badly. Those were some darn good cupcakes, and cookies. omg. the cookies, i need more of them. like now. Read this, and make some plox.

So i went to Ikea for the first time last week, and it made me feel like i want a new room. And now i do want to change a lot of things in my room. Like my bed and such, but i think ill need nubs help with designing, on account of how her room looks now, i could use some ideas.

Can't wait for UP, been waiting a month to see it with chaus :D

-Jim

P.s. I miss you chau, a whole lot.

Short and sweet

I love you Chau. :]

Untitled.

Am i not supposed to be happy?

Is that the plan in life for me?

Anything that ever brought me joy in life is always being taken away. Does god hate me that much?

My whole life, i've told myself i should be the better person, and never get into fights, never steal, never betray, never hurt myself, never do drugs, never drink, all the things good little kids do. But maybe that's just it. Being a good boy doesn't cut out does it? I lived like that, and what has it brought me? just so much pain. Little by little im starting to lose my sense in why i live like that.

Maybe i shouldn't anymore. I suppose im just a dreamer, just a dreamer of things that actually bring happiness to my life. Am i such a bad person? It really sucks right now. I have no words to describe it.

I hate sounding so pessimistic, but that's all i can feel right now.

=]

They say that your mind can play tricks on you. It's able to trick you, please you, acknowledge you, a bunch of things really. But you know, my heart doesn't play tricks on me. I'm certain about it.
I have and always will care for her, there will always be that space in my heart just for her.

And for the record, i believe that it is I who is the luckiest one. Today was such an amazing day,

I love her, i truly do.

P.s. i need some starburts for the road, pretty nifty idea :D





































p.p.s I M Y A L Y M E O S. :D

I CONT SLEEP D:

*edit.

Im proud of myself i must say. So much has been happening so rapidly. And im glad i've managed to hold my own. I guess that's my one positive thing for today. I just gotta keep striving for staying on top, no matter how hard it gets, or how bleak it seems, i'll just keep on keeping on.

I guess i'm just writing a bit to take some thoughts off my mind, it's rather hard to sleep with a million things floating around.

I just purchased a new guitar, im gonna be serious about it this time. I'm going to learn how to play once more, and expand from there on. And once i'm skilled enough i can take it in my car and play it around anywhere :D

lol my mind went blank.......... maybe i should sleep now.

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*10 minutes later*

nope still can't sleep, i wonder what else is on my mind.

I simply enjoy long car rides, i dont think you get a full taste of driving if like down the street.

What else, i would like someone to teach me a british accent or preferably australian. I think they sound spiffy.

Im all sore from the pool xD Who knew swimming was so tiring.

Wells i have quite the adventure tommorow, so i must force myself to sleep. Even if it takes the help of some sheeps.

Goodnights

Adieu (french i believe)

P.s. I should get some starbucks in the morning =D

Welcome to reality.

I find myself sitting here in front of the computer at 10:43. I feel okay. Tommorow is my last day of work, fortunately enough. The stress of it, and the loneliness has almost gotten me. But i guess i managed to survive. And how? By just telling myself the it'll be better tommorow. And it's strange, because you never know what tommorow can bring. It took me by surprise a couple times in my life. Times where it was a complete blissful surprise and times when it felt like life was spiting me. But that's the thing about time, no one, and i mean no one, can tell what the future brings. The only person in charge is yourself for it.

Lately, i've been trying to redeem my happiness. The process is slow, but i'm progressing. Although I feel like I'll always covet a tiny scar somewhere. But life just brings these things you know? You can't hate them, can't regret them, can't expect to change the past. Live a day by a smile. Embrace the beauty that life is, because you only get it once. It's all the experiences and people in life that make it worth living, both the good and the bad.

Lately, I feel like in some way I've been maturing. I mean I still have the kid inside me, but i'm starting to open up my eyes to the real world in front of me. I hate to say it, but it's a cold place. Unfortunately. Life was so real and wonderful in my younger years. I have to admit that, i was blind to all the corruptions, lies, betrayals, anger, and mistrust back then. As the years go on, this stuff just pops up. I'll admit i've fallen a couple times to it myself. I have been corrupted by the disdain of the world, and it brought me thoughts of sorrow and misery. I know it's hard for me to admit it, but i need to come out clean. I used to be a pessimist. Used to.

I've taken a new lead. This month, has had a lot of hidden doors opened to me. It woke me up, from a blissful dream. Sometimes i do wish i could dream again. As life unraveled itself, it was clear to me, that there were 3 choices to make from now on in life. The first was to in a sense, remorse everything. Be angry at life, angry at myself, angry and sorrowful of everything. The second, take a stoic approach. Let the days go by without any doing of yourself. And the third, accept the fact the life does try to knock you down, and you do get knocked down, but it's all in how far you go to get up again. I've decided on approach number 3. "The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward." I've been a Dvd fanatic lately, and i know this is one quote that struck me as clear as a whistle. I have to agree with it. Life does throw things at you, but it's how much you can truly take and move forward.

I know that people, in general seem like they can't co-exist. It seems so bleak that there could be actually people who exist, who prosper in life by being truly nice and living with good morals. There are people like that, I know, I have a couple people like that in my life. We may feel small in this world. But there is always people there for us. There's always someone out there that can help, that can listen, there's always someone the appreciates another. This world isn't so bad after all. Sometimes you just need to scratch away the coal to find the diamond. So to all who read this, keep scratching the coal, the diamond shines, a day is worth a smile. Each day in life is precious, keep that in mind, no one is ever alone.

On another note, my summer begins tommorow, at 3:30 hehe, why? Because it's my last day at the job :D I know, it seems kinda stupid to be happy about leaving work, but i'm glad. I need to find a social job, i don't think im suited for such a solitary position in work. I have to do a lot of things this summer, i need to enjoy summer again, it's been a while. I need to make trips, keep my fitness training, learn some new hobbies, and set up my room a new way. Busy? kinda but it'll be worth it. I've decided to share my smile with the world, sincerly. A smile may not seem like much, but it's a start.

Now i head to the bed, because my eyes will be turning red,
from such a bright light, so i say fare thee well goodnight :P

P.s. Chau is returning to the states :D what a nub.

P.p.s. I like wii boxing, it makes me feel pro-ish, i should take up a self defense again

p.p.p.s i had a rather interesting dream, anyone who wishes to know about it, dont hesitate to ask

p.p.p.p.s goodnights