Not a train wreck

It's been hard these past days, i know, probably for the both of us. But i want to say that i am proud of her courage. And things happen dont they. I want to tell her in person, but she's coming back in quite a long time, so i'll just post it here, in case she reads this. I'll always be here for her, no matter what. Just because this happened, it's not gone. I'll always be here for you, promise.

It ends here?

I don't know what this feeling is. It's unique. I've never had this feeling before. It's like a mix of sadness, pain, fear, nausea, anger, disappointment, rage, sorrow. It shot me like a bullet. I can honestly say that this forever will leave one scar in my life. I honestly thought we could make it. I believed it with all my heart, and it just hurts you know? Even after an entire year, we've had bouts but we've managed and told each other we've been becoming stronger. And this kind of thing just leaves me with no hope in life. I dont know why out of all days it had to be this one, what sucks is that i've been crunching up so much lately. I've been plaaning out trips, planning out dates, so much for when she returned, now it just seems pointless, and so does life.

I want to at least give her the present i bought her, but i just hope she can see me, i hope.

She was my strength, and right now, i'm weakining. I feel like i cant even walk. I honestly don't know if i can make it this time.

I'll try and try to survive, but honestly i doubt i can.

Maybe times is all that needs to be there? I thought that before, but now i dont even think time is a bandage for this. I can't last. I cant.

I'll miss you chau, i really will, like you said we can still be best friends, but i want to talk to you in person when you come back. And if you can please have the strength to talk to me. I'll muster up strength as well.

Music and Smile

I hum the tunes we know, knew, will know. After every stroke of the paintbrush i hum another note, a familiar note from a song far beyond yesterday. To a day of lights, trains, music, and fireworks. I hum tunes of those days and for those short moments, i feel closer to her. I can see the connection of how music can express your deepest emotions. It's like pouring out heart's ink and writing an essay. That's how i can say i honestly feel, i feel happy. I feel happy when i hear the music we only know chau, it makes me smile. I can't wait to share the feeling when your back. We can drive a long sunsets roads with our favorite tunes and maybe bump into new tunes we'll like. The possibilities are endless :] Summer will begin once over, there's so much to do, but hehe i do wish these 3 weeks went by a little faster :P

So a short post before i sleep for work. I just wanted to say that I love chau.

Goodnights

so far

okay so it's a day after my one year one and month, i waited till now to post this because anniversaries are not a time to post sad thoughts. But that's what i've been feeling lately. I dont know why, maybe it's the atmosphere that im in, or that im missing some one dear to me to a really huge extent. It seems that the world just doesnt want to save itself anymore, too much violence these days. I try my hardest to stay optimistic, i really do, but after experiencing one after another bad event and then turning on the tv to hear about kids murdering each other. It just punches me in the heart.

I know i shouldn't be a priss about it, but i haven't talked to my gf in what seems to be almost a week. That just seems rather odd to me, but i understand since she is busy afterall. I just wish i could somedays, the stress of work is actually depressing me too. It's so solitary, and i have a problem with that. I get scared of being alone. I think i have anxiety, i cant stand complete silence it scares me. I have to have something turned on a bit before i sleep. I'm trying hard to make it past this month with you being half the world away, i know this is corny, but i look outside sometimes wondering if you look outside and think of me as well, i hope you are, maybe it would make us feel a little closer.

I guess what my real problem right now, is that for the past 2 and half weeks it's been pretty lonely, and i guess it's starting to takes it's toll on me. I always have this cold chill running down my back when ithink of the future. My stomach receeds and feels like im gonna puke, i think it's a feeling of fear, but i dont get why im scared. I'm looking forward to the future, when chau comes back.

I know things will be better when she's back, i just know it.

I'm heading to sleep now, i have work later.

Hopefully you read this chau. You have no idea how much i miss you. Stay safe and have fun nubby :]

Dia Numero 2

It's raining cats and dogs outside. I drove to go get some food for the rabbit today and am going to go to driving school soon. I can't say much has happened because not much did :P Well i just witnessed a huge rain storm, like a violent one, so much rain on the streets but the after math of rain are so pleasant, cool breeze, moist air, misty and its refreshing. I like it the best when it's also sunny outside, awesome weather.

Here's to another day going by and another day closer to chau coming back. gosh i miss her so much.

Random Thought: Rabbits eat lots of hay, thats why i buy Extra value size bags of timothy hay :P


I miss chaus soo very mucho

Day 1

argghhh i miss chau so much already. soooooooooo much. I hope that noob is having fun though, she deserves it, with all the good grades and wonderful personality. I r planning something big for when she returns :D

Today i talked with my parents about finally getting a new phone :D its about time huh? I r tired so i shall sleeps

goodnights


Random fact: You know, i know we are half a world apart but reading your letters and listening to your cd's i feel like we are closer :]

I miss chau SO MUCH.